Starbucks has proven to be a great retreat this semester. I’m currently sitting in the heart of center city Allentown, reflecting on the numerous times I’ve sat in Starbucks over the past semester – sometimes to catch up on homework, other times to get off campus for a one on one, and still other times to process the messes that accompany authentic community. In the midst of it all, I have learned more and more about who God is and how He calls us to be His hands and feet.
Throughout the semester, I’ve been writing about the lessons I’m learning in presence and vulnerability in some of my other posts. My friends have heard me say “I hate vulnerability” probably every other day. But even though I hate it, I desire and value vulnerability in my relationships. I took on a new motto this semester: I’ll bring my shovel. Essentially, this means that I choose to stand in the junk with someone and that I’m not going anywhere, even when the darkness is overwhelming. I read a book this year called “Community is Messy” and truer words have never been spoken. People are messy and relationships are messy. Living in a residence hall and doing life with other women is messy. And this semester has challenged me to embrace the mess. One of my dear friends has been telling me that God abides in honest, vulnerable communication for over two years now. And this semester, I saw that statement lived out more clearly than any other time. I continue to learn more about the power of presence by choosing to be present and by others choosing to be present with me. Vulnerability and presence have been lived out in the midst of a really cool group of people. The way our lives have intertwined is a total God story. These pals encourage me, call me out on my BS, and constantly are pointing me back to the foot of the cross. We’ve had our fair share of ups and downs and I am constantly learning how to be a better friend (which is a very humbling experience, let me tell ya). When the Lord calls you to relationship, it’s worth it. Even in the mess.
When I picked my word for the year back in January, I knew I would be challenged. But I had no idea that I would be ending the year where I am. Obedience is more than just following rules – it’s living out a call. As I was working on an assignment for my theology class, I came across a powerful quote by John Stott. He says:
“Christian obedience is unlike every other kind of obedience. It is not the obedience of slaves or soldiers, but essentially the obedience of lovers who know, love and trust the person who issues the commands.”
I can pinpoint exact moments throughout the past several months where I got to say “yes” to what the Lord was asking. I said yes to going back to school when I had an opportunity to stay in DC for the year. I said yes to graduating in April by changing my major. I said yes to presence when it was easier to walk out. I said yes to hard decisions, trusting that the One who called me will sustain me. Obedience has not been an easy journey. One of my friends reminded me that Jesus modeled so perfectly this “hard obedience.” Dying on the cross sure wasn’t painless, and was the ultimate sacrifice. Yet Jesus chose to do the will of the Father. I’m thankful this season for a God who can relate to obedience that costs us something.
As I look forward into next semester, I have no idea where life will take me. I am walking into this new season with little direction and endless opportunities. The lyrics of Kings Kaleidoscope’s “Trackless Sea” are my prayer when I become overwhelmed with thoughts of the future.
Jesus, the calm that fills my chest
This peace unstirred, this joy of rest
My weary soul has found a charm
Within the shelter of your armsIn desert wastes I fear no dread
I care not where my way is led
Fearless I walk the trackless sea
Since all my life is life with Thee
I’ve chosen obedience. And each day, I get to choose to fearlessly walk the trackless sea. I know that the Lord is guiding my next steps even though I can’t see them. This next semester will pass much faster than I want it to, but I’m excited to see what next looks like. To God be the glory.