One year ago today, I moved to corner of 11th and H to begin my new adventure as a City Host in DC. When I started with CSM, I didn’t expect to fall in love with urban ministry. DC changed the way I looked at people who are different from me and the Lord used those experiences to break my heart for what breaks His. I didn’t leave the same.
And here I am, one year later, nowhere close to where I thought I would be. You see, the Lord has been reshaping the desires of my heart and I am so interested to see what this next year will look like.
Back in December, I resigned from my position as Assistant Resident Director. Throughout the entire fall semester, the Lord had been asking me if I would be willing to give ResLife up. I didn’t understand and I struggled through that decision. For two and a half years, I had rested my identity in my performance as an RA and ARD. I was ResLife and I enjoyed that identity. But that all came crashing down when I realized I was at the very end of myself, with nothing left to give. I was exhausted and burnt out. So I eventually opened my hands and released that piece of myself to the Lord.
Because of that decision, I had a lot more time second semester to explore my post-college options and felt nudged to send some pastors a note to see if they had room on their team for me. I did not send that email quickly and I hesitated for a week or so before sending it because I did not want to work at a church. I had seen too much of the church and been too burned by it to ever want to work in it. But I eventually sent the message and the rest is history.
Over the course of a few months, the Lord did some crazy work in my heart and gave me an inkling of a desire to serve His church. When I gave up the things I was holding onto, the Holy Spirit was refilling me like only He can.
It’s funny how God’s humor works sometimes. I had been placing my identity so strongly in ResLife (residence life) and in my job there. When I gave that up, I was confused and oh so empty. I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted to do anymore. Then, the Lord opened a door for me at Resurrection Life, or ResLife, NYC. I laughed, teared up a bit, and thanked God for the process.
Now, I am preparing to move to NYC to serve as a ministry intern at a church. This opportunity will give me chances to explore different areas of ministry in order to refine my passions. My desire is to create safe spaces where authenticity thrives and people feel loved and seen in Jesus’ name so that they may stand confidently in their calling. I’m still funneling my options, but what better way to figure it out than learning by doing.
I wish I could say I’m not afraid and I have no doubts moving forward, but I would be lying. Transition is not an easy thing for me, and there have been a lot of transitions in such a short period of time. Saying goodbye to the places and people that have influenced my story and leaving the community I spent four years establishing has not been easy. I’m nervous about moving into a new community where I don’t know many people. Starting over is scary. Standing in the in-between is uncomfortable. Yet even in the midst of my fear, God is faithful. He continues to provide confirmation and clarity into the next step.
It’s amazing how life-changing this past year has been. Here’s to another one!