I found myself hitting a really worn-out and exhausted state by the end of last week. Due to various things happening in my life, I felt overwhelmed and stressed out. So I did what any normal person would do. I took a 4 hour bus ride out to DC to get away for 36 hours. While on the bus, I laughed as I remembered times in college when my friends and I would joke about “running” as being our defense mechanism and here I was, running away from it all. But this time, I left to gain perspective and clarity; to give myself the space to process and sleep away from the stressors. Which felt different than before.
While in DC, I spent a few hours at one of my favorite little spaces – David’s Tent. David’s Tent is a 24/7 worship tent on the National Mall that’s been in existence since 2015. Here, volunteers lead worship and offer prayer over our country. It’s really beautiful and I always find rest under the tent. One of the worship leaders that afternoon sang “Way Maker,” which has been on repeat over the past several weeks.
Way maker.
Miracle worker.
Promise keeper.
Light in the darkness.
My God, that is who You are.
Even when I don’t see it, You’re working.
Even when I don’t feel it, You’re working.
You never stop, never stop working.
I’m seriously awestruck at the way Jesus gently pushes me out of the way as I’m busy trying to do more for Him to show me that He’s working in ways that only He can.
I’ve put a lot of pressure on myself over the past several weeks to do more and perform well and be the best I can be. I’ve tried to rush through mental and emotional healing from a hard summer. I’ve put the expectation on myself to be the light in the darkness and the way maker.
And it’s really exhausting.
But I am not the light. I am not the way maker. Jesus is.
There was a man sent from God whose name was John. He came as a witness to testify concerning that light, so that through him all might believe. He himself was not the light; he came only as a witness to the light.
John 1:6-8
In the same way that John was not the light, only as a witness to the light, we are witnesses to the same light, not the light itself.
It’s when I am reminded that I have no control to transform anything or anybody, I find rest. God is in charge and He’s doing His thing. With or without me. And when I spend time with Him and see where He is asking me to step in, I find purpose because God wants me to take part.
I needed a step back to reset and reorient around who Jesus is and who He has called me to be this weekend. And I am so encouraged and excited about what God is doing in my life, and in the lives of those around me. Because, friends, He is moving. As I’ve been walking a season of healing and processing hard things God has shown me more and more how little he needs me but how much he wants me to be a part of his mission.
I hope that wherever you are, you are able to rest in who God is and who you are not. If you’re anything like me, it can be challenging to let go of the control and expectations. But it’s worth it. You can do it. Jesus is there to catch you.