I know, I know. Everyone is posting their year/decade in review and now I’m sharing a new blog on my review. The new year tends to do that to people – cause them to pause and reflect on what the previous 12 months brought. Maybe we don’t do that enough – stop to think and process what’s going on in our lives and in the lives around us. But that’s a topic for another time.
My roommate sparked this blog. She asked “If your 2010 self met your 2020 self, what would she think?” (Isn’t that a fun question to think about?)
This decade has been a pretty big one. I graduated from middle school in 2010, graduated high school in 2014, and college in 2018. I’ve been driving the entirety of the decade! I injured my ankle too many times to count, never because of sports. I participated in 17 theatre productions. I moved from Kansas to Pennsylvania to college in Indiana to a summer in DC to New York City. I’ve been a bridesmaid in 5 weddings. We gained a sister and a beautiful niece (oh do I love her). It’s been a decade of loss – loss of relationships, of grandparents, and of dreams. I’ve had 3 concussions (none from sports). I’ve seen the ugly underbelly of the church far too many times, and have found a newfound love for the church. I experienced burn out at 21 and learned the importance of rest. I’ve started picking words of the year that absolutely wreck me, all in the best ways. I’m not the same Brooklyn I was at 14, but I’m also very much her, if that makes any sense.
As I’ve been thinking through her question, I can’t help but think about 2010 Brooklyn’s perspective. If I had known then who I’d be now/what I’d be doing/etc, I wouldn’t believe it – living in NYC, working in ministry and at a restaurant are all things that would never have crossed my mind. Ever. And that’s probably true for a lot of us – we have no way of predicting the way life is going to play out and where exactly we’ll be. And if you’re exactly where you thought you’d be, I’d love to talk to you more because I want that haha.
The piece of reflection that keeps bringing me to tears is to see the under-working of the faithfulness and goodness of God through it all. Throughout my teen years, I could not figure out how it could be true that God was consistent and did not change when everything else in my life was changing. But this truth is an anchor for me now. I have seen time and time again how God has remained the same when my environment was new or when friendships faltered. God has been so faithful to provide in this decade, whether that be through friendships or moments of quietness or financial provision or access to good counseling and everything in between. The biggest example being in the way my move to NYC was orchestrated. God so faithfully has provided housing, good roommates, finances, jobs, and community. I could write about this for paragraphs more, detailing every example I can think of, because He is just that good.
And I started words of the year half-way through the decade. Each word brought attention to really impactful lessons that have stayed with me.
Intentional (2015) – this year brought with it decisions to be intentional about church, friendships, school, and residents. Part of it including learning the importance of balance because I did not do that well.
Fearless (2016) – this word is my life word. And this year brought with it a new job as ARD and big responsibilities. It included changing my major and learning to be bold. “You Make Me Brave” was an anthem. Fearlessly following after Jesus is who I want to be known as. And this is the word I want tattooed on my wrist in my mom’s handwriting because she’s who I think of every time I hear it (and she finally wrote it for me!!)
Obedience (2017) – first of all, who picks obedience as a word, because this one is rough. I had to learn to hear the whisper of the Holy Spirit and move in step with Him. I worked a crazy internship in DC that forever changed me and made a big decision to change my major and quit my job in the same semester. I heard God more clearly than almost any other time in my life.
Wholehearted (2018) – I jumped into 2018 with baptism, making the declaration that I was wholeheartedly choosing to follow after Jesus from here on out. I learned how to rest and process some of the hard stuff. And I made decisions that I followed through with wholeheartedly. I moved to New York and made no exit plan. And wow, was God so faithful to me.
Stand (2019) – and this year, wow. Standing when things are crumbling around me, by the strength of the Holy Spirit (not by my own). Learning to stand firm in my beliefs and in my values. It’s been a year of learning what I want to stand for and who I want to be. Even though this year has been hard and traumatic and completely unexpected, it’s been filled with blessings.
(My 2020 word has been decided, but I’m not quite ready to share it publicly yet, so check back in the next week or so.)
I have absolutely no idea what to expect in the next year, let alone the next decade. But I’m ready to start figuring it out, day by day and month by month. And for the first time in a while, I’m not afraid of what the future holds. I trust that the One who holds it is already moving and working and preparing me. He’s proven His faithfulness over and over again, so why doubt now? Even when it doesn’t make sense. Even when I’m at the end of myself. I’m walking into 2020 holding tight to the promises and goodness of who God says that He is.
May this year be filled with learning and growth, regular rhythms of rest, and a greater capacity to be light and love to those around us.