Carrie Underwood’s song “Thank God for Hometowns” always comes to mind when I hear the word “hometown.” One lyric in particular stuck out to me this time, as I reflect on my time in Kansas during my epic, cross-country road trip. She sings:
“And when you’re lost out in this crazy world
You got somewhere to go and get found
Thank God for hometowns.”
Driving from Indiana to Kansas was emotional. I know, most of this road trip to this point seems pretty emotional. Remember, I had reached my absolute tipping point and felt on the verge of a breakdown that kick-started this whole thing. So yes, I cried a lot. Like most of this 9 hour drive. (Now that I’m 2 months on this side of the trip, I can confirm it was, in fact, therapeutic.) When I was lost out in this crazy world, home was my place to go and get found. And I was heading home.
Kansas reminded me of who I am and revealed more of where I come from.
I’m so grateful for 13 year old friendships and late night conversations, filled with encouragement and loaded with love. If you ever need to remember who you are and where you’ve been, go back to those people. They’ll remind you every time.
As I drove through my old neighborhood, memories from 6 years ago flooded my mind. Our last summer in that home, the people we loved coming in and out often, the family meetings around the fireplace. All of the good, sweet things mixed with the hard, painful things, too. I wouldn’t be who I am today without those things. So I choose today to be grateful for where I come from, broken pieces and all.
I’m grateful for the chance to catch up with family, and to see the lives they have continued living since I lived in proximity. It was a sweet privilege to meet the newest baby, to catch up with my cousins and my mom’s cousins, and to snuggle the sweet Colburn girls.
Kailyn joined me here. She flew out and did the rest of the road trip with me, and I’m thankful for the company. We got to spend some time learning our family tree and where we (the Swanks) come from. That time with my grandpa is time I will forever cherish.
While in Kansas, I learned my job was no longer secured and that we were all officially terminated. Naturally, I cried. I can’t help it, I get emotionally attached to places way too easily. And for good reason. That was my first paying job after college. The place that taught me how to love people better. The place that made me pray more than I ever have in my whole life. The place I found community. And now, I didn’t know what I was going to do in order to stay in the city. Without a paying job, and without the additional COVID unemployment bonus, there just couldn’t be a way to stay in the city at the end of our lease. Not to mention the felt loss of relationship. Would I still have the community I had invested two years of time and energy?
And yet, in the midst of that panic and fear, I felt I could release the worry. I couldn’t do anything to fix it right then, so I made a decision to table that worry until I could start doing something about it. I know, that’s easy to type and so hard to do, but I felt such peace in my spirit when I released it for the time being. This would be there for me to work through when I got back to the city (and it was! But more on that at another time).
I left worry behind in Kansas. And I felt lighter knowing that there would be a time to address the realities at hand, but that time was not now.
When it came time for K and I to roll out, we made a pit stop in Manhattan for breakfast before driving across I-70 to Colorado. I made her listen to a book with me on audio (lol more on that later).
And then, we made the BEST pit stop ever. I’ll let the pictures tell the story of Wheat Jesus.
