Vaccine sites are popping up all over the city. Stadiums, high schools, and other arenas are being transformed before our eyes. That’s where I found myself on Valentine’s Day – waiting in line at a high school to get my shot. Walking into the cafeteria, I didn’t know what to expect. There, in front of me, were a few dozen nurses decked in white scrubs and all kinds of PPE. The lunch tables had been turned into vaccine stations, one on each end. As a nurse held up his or her numbered paddle, the woman stationed at the front of the line directed the next up to that spot. (Think Trader Joe’s check out line.)
Standing there was emotional. To look around and see this scene reminded me we are in fact living in the midst of a global pandemic. Flashbacks to the field hospital in Central Park flooded my mind. Constant sirens. Empty streets. Overall panic and anxiety and fear. All of it came rushing back to me. While I was tearing up, a nurse approached my section of the line to ask if anyone had questions about the vaccine. The sweet older couple in front of me listed off a few of theirs, and she answered so graciously. Before I knew it, I was being pointed off to my station – 26. And man, was my nurse awesome. We talked about the past year, and she got emotional as she recalled briefly some of her experiences. She explained she’s there, giving vaccines, to do her part to get back to normal. There was hope in her voice. A small glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel, peeking out at us. Hope floated in the air. You could almost reach out and grab it.
Before I could finish asking her if it was going to hurt, the needle was in my arm and I was on my way to the waiting area. For the next fifteen minutes, I sat in my chair six feet away from everyone else, and allowed myself to feel whatever I felt. (Sounds easy for some of you, but I’m still practicing.) And friends, there was hope rising up in me. Not because this vaccine is going to fix everything, it’s probably too soon to know for sure. But because it might help. And that’s the risk I was willing to take (more on that below).
Over the past year, I have felt hopeless in ways I’ve never experienced before. I’ve doubted, questioned, and found myself wondering if hope could still be alive. And God used my sweet nurse to remind me of his perfect and flawless and living hope. There is a hope that is an anchor for our souls, firm and secure (Hebrews 6:19). It is unwavering and unshakeable, even in a COVID world. My hope is not in a vaccine, although I am optimistic! My hope is in the Creator of all things, who has gifted us with science and intelligence and creativity. Who stays steadfast in the midst of chaos. And it took the spark of a vaccine to remind me of this.
Now, I’ve been experiencing some pretty brutal side effects of the vaccine so it definitely has not been all sunshine and butterflies. But isn’t that true of hope? Just because Light leads the way, doesn’t mean moments of darkness won’t find us. I’m learning to trust that Light will be there for me, even when I can’t see it or feel it. And maybe I’m over-spiritualizing a shot and it’s effects, but I’m thankful for the ordinary reminders of God’s goodness in the places and spaces around me.
Before you go commenting all the reasons why this vaccine isn’t going to work or why you aren’t going to get it, please know that I am not advocating for you to go, nor am I implying that this is the risk you should take. After lots of research and several conversations with people in the medical field, I decided this was my best risk. Not getting the vaccine and getting COVID again is risky – we don’t know much about the long term effects of it. Getting the vaccine and dealing with side effects is risky – we don’t know about the long term effects of it. And there’s still a chance that, with the vaccine, someone will get COVID and that’s risky too. I’m a big advocate for you to do your own research, talk with your healthcare provider, and decide which risk is best for you. And if you want to know more about my experience, I’d be happy to share.
May you experience a newfound Hope in unexpected ways this week. May Light find you in the places and spaces you inhabit.