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Not in a Hurry

I don’t know if you’re anything like me, but there’s something about busyness that I love. I love the adventure and excitement that comes with the hustle and bustle of big cities. When I stand in the middle of NYC or Washington, D.C., I am surrounded by sights and sounds and am swept up in the hurry to get to the next place or see the next sight. I also love a busy schedule, filled with back-to-back appointments and action-packed plans.

But sometimes we allow busyness to distract us from the soul rest that we so desperately need. If we just keep going, then we don’t have to deal with the heaviness in our hearts. If we just keep going, people won’t see our exhaustion. If we just go until our head hits the pillow, we don’t have to process our emotions. And, perhaps the best part is that people may never see that in us. Especially if we’re really good at playing the part carefully enough.

But what if we slowed down?

Jesus models what it looks like to slow down in the midst of chaos. In Matthew 26, Jesus goes to Gethsemane to pray and plead with the Father. He knows that his arrest is coming, yet he takes time out of the busyness to seek the face of his Father. All throughout Jesus’ ministry, we see him constantly taking time to spend with the Father. He knew that slowing down was critical.

My word for the year is obedience. I have been praying for clarity in what that looks like in each season of my life over the past 10 months. In the past month or so, the Holy Spirit has been showing me how counter-cultural obedience to Christ is. Will Reagan wrote a song that has been speaking to my heart in this season (if you haven’t heard it, check out the video below). As I learn more about what it means to be a friend, student, and ARD in the midst of chaos, Jesus is whispering slow down, Brooklyn, and seek me first.

Lord I don’t want to rush on ahead
in my own strength
when you’re right here

I’m not in a hurry
when it comes to your spirit
when it comes to your presence
when it comes to your voice
I’m learning to listen
just to rest in your nearness
I’m starting to notice
you are speaking

Lord I want to love like you
I want to feel what you feel
I want to see what you see

open my eyes I want to see you more clearly
open my ears I want to hear you speak
tell me your thoughts what’s on your mind
I’ll be your friend, I want to see through your eyes

Obedience looks like slowing down and being present with the very One who speaks truth and life over me. He is strength. He is my rock. He is my wisdom. I don’t have to rush on ahead, in my own strength, when Jesus is calling me to be present with Him, right where I am because he’s there, too.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJJ_XjyXdaY

Present

I’m surrounded by put together people. People who don’t let any hints of authentic humanity sneak out out for fear of how others will respond. I see people putting on their best Christian mask, showing others that their lives are in order. I see masks to cover the realities of past and current hurts and burdens because if someone else sees those, they might quit being a friend.

I wish I was never one of them. But sometimes I am.

As I enter into this interesting and new season of my life, this lesson in vulnerability continues to challenge me. I encourage my residents and my friends to be vulnerable and authentic with me, but rarely do I want to be vulnerable to them. It’s so much easier to distract myself from my own struggles and hurts by focusing on the other person.

I was eating dinner with a new friend this week and we talked about the way that vulnerability shows up. Someone once explained it to me as a house. When we invite people in, we host them in our nice and clean living rooms and show them the spotless kitchens because we spent time cleaning up for them. The more comfortable we get with a person, the more parts of our house we show them. Very few get to see our junky basements – the places and spaces where we hide the hurts and the burdens. And sometimes, we find ourselves so stuck in our basement, that we can’t help but letting people down, because we can’t bring ourselves out.

There’s power in presence.

Presence doesn’t happen naturally. It takes work and costs us something.

“Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”
Philippians 2:1-4

On Monday in chapel (BIBLE MONDAY!), the speaker touched on loving others and suffering with them. But this can’t come from our own strength – we have the free gift of grace from Jesus to suffer with. We are called to humbly value others over ourselves. The Holy Spirit sustains us and guides us and reveals His presence through our presence with others.

I want to be someone who is known for her presence. I want to be a light in the darkest of basements so that others may see Him, not me. But this doesn’t happen overnight. Boundaries have to be learned. Self-care is important, too. And I’m not perfect. I won’t be perfect at this, but I am called to presence. We are called to presence.

There’s power in presence.

One Month In

It’s been over 7 weeks since I was last in DC. In some ways, that feels like a long time ago and in others it feels like just yesterday. Transitioning back to rural Indiana has definitely been an interesting adjustment and not a day goes by that I’m reminded of something from the summer. Pieces of my heart are spread throughout DC. Every Monday night, I am reminded of Rossy – the wonderful woman who slept on a bench in a park behind the White House. I met her towards the end of my summer and had the opportunity to talk with her and pray with her every week after that. Some days, I’m reminded of the women at Downtown Cluster or the kids at Children of Mine or the neighbors on the street that became familiar faces. Still other times, I am reminded of the adventures in our little basement room with my staff.

I have been at school for a little over 6 weeks and the time continues to fly! Classes started 3 weeks ago and I am already ready for a vacation. This semester has brought with it new challenges and new joys, and we aren’t even halfway through it! Each class is teaching me so much more about who God is and more about my leadership. The coolest part about my classes is how applicable they are to my job as Assistant Resident Director. I have the best boss ever (S/O to Beth) who encourages well and models self-care better thananyone! And the rest of my staff is an incredible source of joy and laughter pretty much always.

PC: Aubrey Baker (above)

In the midst of it all, I am continuing to learn what obedience looks like in this season of my life. Big decisions are looming and I am learning what it means to wait patiently for the Lord. I wish growing up was easy, but unfortunately it is not. The past three years of college have definitely been unexpected and have brought me to a place in my academic career/professional development that freshman Brooklyn would probably not recognize. But that’s the beauty of this journey – I continue to grow and stretch and learn more about myself and my purpose. I’m excited to see how all the pieces come together one of these days.

When I Am Weak

I realized how little time I have left in the District before I go home and get ready for school. In 8 days, I will be sleeping above ground and going to church at my mom’s church. This summer has flown by. Each day has been filled with its own adventure. Each week, a new lesson in obedience.

Let me catch you up on the past few weeks.

A few weeks ago, I got to travel to Chicago to guest host at CSM Chicago, where I got to work with my one of my very favorite people (Kristina, I’m talking about you!). The week before Chicago was hands down the most difficult of my summer. I was challenged not only personally, but relationally and professionally. When I left for Chicago at the end of that week, I pleaded with God for a better week and a renewed spirit.

And boy did He answer that prayer. My group was from the ‘burbs of Chicago and they were AMAZING. My students were excited and joyful. They persevered through difficult sites. They also were open to learning more about the city they already knew, and welcomed me into their group graciously. My leaders were awesome. From music in the car and coffee on the way to deeper conversations about service and the students, I enjoyed my time with them. I love the way that the Lord uses people as reminders of who He is. When I got back to DC a week ago, I was refilled and ready to do it again.

On a quick, semi-related note, Scott, a leader from that week, has an Everything Playlist that y’all should follow! If you like a little bit of everything, this 703 song playlist is for you! Click here to find the playlist!

Last week has been the most interesting of all weeks. Brandon and I hosted groups from a public school. We had to restructure our prayer tour and call it a “reflection tour,” which didn’t prevent us from slipping and asking them to pray/calling it a prayer tour all week. We debriefed at several of the monuments (see picture below), as per usual, but there was something about these debriefs. We talked about hard topics, like stereotypes and racism, and were able to recognize our own beliefs about other people based on culture or ethnicity. We talked about breaking down barriers between us and others. At our final debrief, they affirmed one another for over an hour, telling their teammates about the great ways they served throughout the week. I was almost in tears several times, as they thanked Brandon and me for hosting them and dealing with their craziness and as they expressed their excitement for someone else. The Lord was so evident all week long and I know that he will use this week in the lives of these students and leaders.

I saw how the Holy Spirit used Brandon and me this week to be a light through our weaknesses. There was no way patience and kindness and joy came from me this week, because I was weak on my own strength. But when I am weak, He is strong.

I know I’m not doing that week justice, because there is just so much more I could say – more details and stories and conversations. If you ever want to hear those, I would be happy to tell you. I saw God in a brand new way this week, and I’m so thankful for my public school kids and leaders for showing me that.

This week will need some more processing time, so hopefully I’ll be able to blog in the next few days about it!

Thank you to those of you that have been praying with me and for me this summer. I really could not do this without your support and encouragement!

Prayer Requests:
– for DC: that the Lord would continue to use His people in dark places
– for Children of Mine: this is one of our ministry partners. They are an after-school and summer program for kids in a neighborhood called Anacostia and they provide a place for kids to be kids. Pray that Ms. Wanda and Ms. Mae would have renewed strength to continue doing the work of the Lord there and that He would bless their ministry.
– for my team: that we would have the strength and the energy to finish strong
– for our groups to come: that the Lord would prepare their hearts for His service in DC
– for our groups who have gone: that the Lord would continue to stir in their hearts as they learn what missions looks like in their own community

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Let me catch you up on the past few weeks.

This week will need some more processing time, so hopefully I’ll be able to blog in the next few days about it!

Thank you to those of you that have been praying with me and for me this summer. I really could not do this without your support and encouragement!

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The One With The Squirrel Attack and the Strawberry Patch

You read that right. A couple of weeks ago, one of my students was bit by a squirrel at Union Station because he was feeding it bread. Twelve year old boys are such interesting creations. That week was filled with all sorts of crazy stories – from squirrels to losing a student, that group had it all. Time is flying here in the District. It has been 41 days since we moved in and started this exciting adventure. Through the highs and the lows, I am continually amazed at the ways in which the Lord is moving in this city through His servants. Our groups represent Jesus so well as we clean shelters, work with low-income children, and prepare food or package meals. They blow me away time and time again.

This week my group and I worked on a farm, picking strawberries and cleaning out the patch. As I was sitting down pulling weeds and cutting dead branches, I was reminded of imagery in the Bible of bearing fruit and pruning. In John 15, it is written:

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.”
John 15:1-4

Remain. This idea of continuing to be present with the Lord because I can’t do this on my own. When I stay close to the true vine, He does the gardening. He works on me so that I can be fruitful. But I have to choose to remain. Remaining in Him on the easy days and on the days where I don’t know which step to take. He will prune. He will give me the strength needed to bear fruit. I simply remain.

In this season, I continually am asking the Lord what obedience looks like now. Some days, obedience means pulling my boot straps up and pushing through the tiredness for His glory. Some days, obedience looks like taking time to rest. Yet some steps of obedience are bigger and weightier and harder to discern. I am seeking answers and direction, but Psalm 63 refocuses my seeking.

“You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water. I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands. I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you.”
Psalm 63:1-5

This summer is continuing to challenge and encourage me as I learn to remain and to seek. I can’t wait to tell the story of the entire summer as it continues to unfold.

Prayer Requests:
– for DC: that the Lord would strengthen our ministry partners as they serve the needs of the city
– for my team: that we would continue to be strengthened and unified
– for a young girl we worked with this week
– for wisdom and clarity

3 Weeks Down, lots more to go

As I write, I am sitting on the third floor of the coolest coffee shop on H Street, overlooking the traffic below. DC is such a cool city and I feel more and more like a local with each passing day. Kiersten and I decided to sleep in this morning and take a walk down to this coffee shop for a morning of reading and refocusing before our groups get in this afternoon! Although it has only been 3 weeks, I feel like I’ve been here for months! The other hosts and I often express how we feel like we’ve known each for a lot longer than we actually have.

Over the past 3 weeks, I have finished training, co-hosted a group, been in a wedding (in Missouri!), co-hosted another group, and gone home for a few days. Hosting is such a unique job, and I wish I had the words to fully explain every detail of what I do. Essentially, I am the bridge between our ministry partners in DC and the groups that come in for their missions trip. I navigate the driver, make the dinner reservations, and assure that my group is doing what they’re supposed to be doing at each site. I also get to serve alongside them and build relationships with the groups and the ministry sites. So far, it has definitely been challenging and exhausting, but I will get used to the schedule eventually!

In my last post, I mentioned how much I am learning and the Lord has been so faithful to me these few weeks. I continue to be drawn back to the song Pursue/All I Need Is You by Hillsong. If you haven’t heard it, take a few minutes and listen to it now.

Lead me to You
Forever, Lord, I will pursue
I will pursue
You’ve won my heart
Jesus, You’re all that I want
All that I want

All I need is You
All I need is You Lord
Is You Lord

As some of you may know, my word for the year is obedience. Initially, I was annoyed that this was the word that God was placing on my heart. I was hoping for something more like grace or love because those sounded easier. But instead, I am six months deep into what obedience looks like. (News flash: I still don’t know.) What I am learning is that the first, and perhaps most important step of obedience looks like pursuit. When I am constantly being led back to the Lord, and when I honestly say “Jesus, you’re all that I want,” then obedience comes easily because I want to be where Jesus is. Which sounds great and easy in theory, but practicing this is much, much harder. I’m human. I want what I want (my mom says I’m stubborn). I want my plans to go how I planned them, and instead nothing is going as planned. And I’m still processing (or learning how to process) through that. This summer, I’m desperately seeking the Lord to provide the next step, for me and for my family. Even when the next step may not make sense to me.

God is good. No matter how I feel, or what I’m experiencing. He is faithful. He will provide. He is our strength. In Him I find rest. He’s all I need.

Prayer Requests:
– for my team as we welcome in our next round of groups!
– for our groups and our ministry partners: to God be the glory
– for DC – that God would continue to work in the hearts of those who live here
– for wisdom and direction

The Adventure Begins

I moved into my summer home here in DC last Sunday! In the short bit that I have been here, I have learned more about this city, about the Lord, and about the people I get to serve alongside.

DC is one of the coolest cities I have experienced. The street I live on is POPPIN’. H Street has cool restaurants and coffee shops, along with different shops and bars. The noises (and smells) sneak through the windows to our room, allowing us to experience the street from the basement. We’ve spent a lot of time driving around the popular, touristy sites and also the residential neighborhoods. Let me tell ya, the sites are cool every time we see them. I’m tempted to post pictures of the Capitol all the time because it’s just so stinkin’ awesome. I am excited to experience and learn more about the city that I get to call home for this season.

Above is my incredible staff (left to right: Katie, me, Brandon, Kiersten, Celeste, and Reed). We are all city hosts and live together in the basement. We’ve only known each other for twelve days, but it feels like I’ve known them much longer. Katie is a sweetheart. Brandon brings wisdom and light. Kiersten exemplifies joy. Celeste points me back to Jesus. Reed offers insight and perspective. I am excited to live in community with them this summer. We already have made our little room our home. We even taught Kiersten how to light a candle! Some nights are spent watching The Bachelorette and others are spent finding funny videos on YouTube. After training, I’m sure we will spend more time sleeping, but I’m thankful for the time spent now to deeper our relationships.The Lord continues to teach me and stretch me, but I’ll save that for another blog! This week has been crazy difficult personally, but God is still faithful and He is still good.

Prayer Requests:
– for safe travels to Missouri for a wedding this weekend
– for my team as we finish training
– for DC: that the Lord would continue moving through his people in this city